Gratitude

          John surprised me Wednesday: he went to the market and brought home fresh salmon, asparagus, two Cornish game hens, green beans, a yam, a bag of charcoal and a peach pie. “You can decide what you want to cook tonight, and save the rest for tomorrow.” He told me.

          I gave him a hug, “Thank you honey,” I told him and immediately I knew what I wanted to do. I’d cook the game hens for Thanksgiving and we’d have the salmon that night.

          Years ago we brought back from Santa Monica the beautiful red ceramic smoker that was in my parents’ backyard. They no longer used it and wanted it out of their way.  It had no grate, it became just a decoration by the front door.

          I was surprised that John had even brought it with him to Texas, because, as I’m finding out, he threw away lots of things I thought he would bring, such as ice packs, out door chairs etc.

          The house we rent has a vacant lot next door, and beyond that the next house has just a blank wall, so it’s pretty private when we sit in the open patio. We can still see plenty of houses on our the street and the alley way – everything’s wide open – but there’s not a lot of activity, so it was nice to sit on the half-wall with Jane kitty and John who oversaw the cooking of the fish.  We waited as long as possible to turn on outside lights, enjoying the pink, cloud-streaked sky.

          One of my favorite memories is of sitting outside with John in the backyard on Quartz Mountain, one summer, with Walter and Jane at our feet, thinking how fate brought all of us together to form a family; and how dependent we become on each other - animals rely on us to feed them, we trust they will love us in return. I’m always aware, in these moments, how fleeting life is and feel gratitude rise up in me that I’m able to “own” this man, this dog, this cat, for the amount of time that is allotted to us.

          Dinner was delicious. Thanksgiving day I made salmon cakes for lunch and prepared the game hens. I made mashed potatoes, roasted yams, green beans, and John cooked up a tray of biscuits. I lit a candle and we sat in the small kitchen, face to face, not on the couch facing the TV as we usually do.

          I read John my list of Things I’m Grateful For, and the list of Things I Want to be Grateful For (our Unity Church assignment for the week) but I could not get him to state what’s in his heart.  I guess he’s grateful for me, but sometimes I wonder if he thinks his life would have been happier, or easier, or smoother if we had not met. Would he have found a woman who did not have dreams of owning a big house on lots of land. Is it my fault we got into debt?

          After the dishes were done, we each had a piece of the scrumptious peach pie and then we retired to the living room to watch “Night of the Iguana”. What a great movie.  I was no longer sad that we had not been invited to anyone’s house or that my friends and family are so far away. I was content, grateful and full, in body and spirit.